The Island of Racist Toons

     So, this is just an idea I came up with. It’s still only half-baked, and it’ll remain that way because, as you’ll see, this idea involves pre-existing characters held under copyright. Call it twisted fan fiction if you want. It’s just something I thought of in the spur of the moment, so I’d thought I’d jot it down and share it with you. Have fun with it.

     In 2015 racist cartoon characters have been cast aside by a violently politically correct society. The studios will not employ them, and the public doesn’t want to be reminded of them. Most are homeless or forced to live in slums and indignify themselves for what little they subsist on. Only two have avoided this fate: Bugs Bunny, who is an established icon and whose past racist jokes have been suppressed by Warner Bros, and Speedy Gonzales. 

     Speedy has minimalized his stereotypical characteristics, and is sometimes included in new cartoons on a limited basis. But he must supplement his income by working as a drug runner for South American cartels who still remember him fondly. He is also offered a job to traffic humans to a remote island in the South Pacific, but he refuses that offer despite the obscene payday he would receive.

     He would love not to have anything to do with the cartels, but he needs the money to support Slowpoke Rodriguez, the story’s most tragic character. Unlike Speedy, Slowpoke, by virtue of his intrinsic nature, is unable to muster the energy or interest to sublimate his inherent racism, and has taken to drink and drugs. Speedy is the only thing keeping him alive.

     Meanwhile the Crows from Dumbo have been slowly building a presence on social media, through which they argue for the rehabilitation of offensive toons. It’s not their fault that they were created the way they were, but if given the opportunity, they would gladly try to adapt to modern society’s ethics. They’re starting to build a base of support when they approach Speedy about lending his voice, but Speedy refuses. He suggests they approach Bugs, but the Crows believe that Bugs will never risk his career.

     When Speedy’s drug running is exposed by The Siamese Cats from LADY AND THE TRAMP, what little is left of his career is ruined. He goes to Bugs for help, Bugs floats him some money, but he’s already spoken to the WB brass. They’re not willing to go out on a limb for a “minor” property. He comes home to find Slowpoke has attempted suicide. Speedy races him to the hospital, and Slowpoke lives. But Speedy knows he has to get Slowpoke into treatment or this will go on until Slowpoke succeeds in killing himself.

     Naturally Speedy accepts the human trafficking offer from the cartel, but is surprised to learn that his human cargo is Uncle Remus. Once on their way, Uncle Remus guilts Speedy into taking more renegade toons to safety: the Indians from PETER PAN, the tribespeople from THE ISLE OF PINGO PANGO, the Japanese from PRIVATE SNAFU, the entire cast of COAL BLACK AN DE SEBBEN DWARFS. Speedy can’t refuse.

     On the way he learns of how each of them were cruelly cast aside by the people they represented, that it never occurred to anyone that they had no choice in their creation, that they represent the prejudices of their creators and nothing more. Why should they be punished? Speedy understands why. It’s why he subjects himself to working for a drug cartel to support Slowpoke. As they travel they relate to Speedy their fears of the coming genocide against offensive toons. Speedy is dubious that people would go that far, but Uncle Remus shows him a video on his phone of the Black Centaur from FANTASIA being torn to pieces by an angry mob. Uncle Remus says that was why Bugs offered to pay the cartel to get him out of the country.

     Speedy starts putting the pieces together. After the others are safe, Speedy confronts the Siamese Cats and confirms his suspicions: Bugs Bunny has been behind all of it, including tipping the Cats off to Speedy’s drug running. He knows he has to get the long-suppressed Merry Melodies and Looney Toons with Bugs’ racist jokes and get them out to the younger generations. That means breaking into the WB vaults. On his way he sees a newsfeed of the Crows about to be killed by a mob. Speedy saves two of them, and the Crows distract WB security, allowing him to get to the vaults, where of course Bugs is waiting for him. Bugs overwhelms Speedy because nobody beats Bugs, but the Crows capture him on video explaining himself to Speedy and upload it to YouTube. Bugs chases after them, but Speedy, knowing he’s just ruined Bugs Bunny, leaves without taking the suppressed cartoons.

     Speedy hires the Crows to take Slowpoke to the island of racist toons, where the others will welcome them all. He then goes to save Bugs from an angry mob. He gives an impassioned speech about the need for tolerance of everyone, even the intolerant, otherwise you’re just as bad. Even intolerance doesn’t warrant intolerance. The crowd falls silent, then a rock hits Speedy in the head. He loses consciousness as the crowd swarms over him.